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If Thanos Snapped the League: Cara

A writer who has been home since mid-March who has become pettier and pettier as time has gone on armed with a Marvel theme. This is my airing of grievances.

Thanos is a fictional character seen appearing in American... Photo by Daniel Fung/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

What if Thanos decided that the NHL only needed 16 teams and snapped half of the league away? We are including Seattle’s unnamed team so we have an even number to work with.

  1. Minnesota Wild: do I have to explain this one? I love naps, but a three hour nap is a sleep.
  2. St. Louis Blues: I forget that they exist half the time.
  3. Los Angeles Kings: You know those teams that were really good and you never liked and then they did something really bad and you realized you were right about them all along? See me and the Kings when they allowed Slava Voynov to practice with them while he was suspended for domestic violence.
  4. Ottawa Senators: Consider this a good way of getting Eugene Melnyk out of the league.
  5. Toronto Maple Leafs: I am from Winnipeg and have been trained to hate anything about Toronto.
  6. Boston Bruins: I am a Habs fan. No other explanation needed.
  7. Anaheim Ducks: They were named after a Disney movie. They deserve to never exist again.
  8. New Jersey Devils: Their only two contributions to hockey are inventing the trap and hurting Paul Kariya. They can leave right now.
  9. Buffalo Sabres: This is purely because the Pegula family seem like horrible people to work for.
  10. Dallas Stars: I constantly forget they exist therefore I am snapping them.
  11. Vegas Golden Knights: Another petty reason as I keep on calling them the Vegas Golden Nights and then I think of the alleged Drumpf pee tape and can we not right now?
  12. Florida Panthers: They throw rats on the ice. I will miss Alexander Barkov though, but he can come to the Jets.
  13. Unnamed Seattle Team: We know nothing about them yet, but they hired Ron Francis who knew about racist remarks from a coach and hired him anyways. When physical abuse happened from the same coach he claimed to have addressed the incident and briefed ownership, although ownership claims the second part never happened and they would have fired the coach immediately if they knew.
  14. Chicago Blackhawks: Is it the constant support of Patrick Kane and Bobby Hull or is it something else? Nope, definitely that part.
  15. Carolina Hurricanes: The Storm Surge is no longer fun to me. I hate fun, but love chaos. Bye.
  16. Vancouver Canucks: I admit, the fact that Jim Hughson does not get to say “great save, Luongo” anymore has influenced my decision.