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FlightZone: Alex Semin is Worth Half a Lance Bouma

I heard that if you say Alex Semin three times in a darkened locker room, the team's intangibles go back to their home planet.

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Jean-Yves Ahern-USA TODAY Sports

Without any Jets news to make us angry and/or anxious, hopefully you're able to relax and enjoy the weekend. But just in case you needed a push in the right direction:

And now, here is the mildly bloated Saturday edition of the news.

Central Division

Chicago Blackhawks prospect Tyler Motte sounds like the kind of dogged back-and-forechecker who might be useful anchoring a future 4th line. Somewhere on a Florida beach, Dale Tallon readies a 5 year, $27.5 million dollar contract. (ESPN)

When prepping Avs fans for Mikhail Grigorenko, our Colorado frenemies went with Peaches & Herb's Reunited. Real original, folks. (Mile High Sticking)

While there may have been cheaper alternatives than Antti Niemi who could push Lehtonen for starts, it's hard not to love what the Stars have done this offseason. Unless you're a divisional rival, that is. (Dallas Morning News)

The Preds are starting a hot chicken, whiskey and bourbon festival, one which helps out their Nashville Predators Foundation charity organization. Those who are about to gorge themselves on chicken and a bourbon tasting or twelve, we salute you. (Nashville Scene)

Even without Nic Petan and Chase De Leo, the Portland Winterhawks will still be worth keeping an eye on next season. (Yahoo! Sports)

When hard pressed for an offseason St. Louis Blues link, just throw up a draft review article. It's about as middling a team draft class as I've seen from 2015, something certainly intensified by their lack of a 1st round pick. (Hockey's Future)

Pacific Division

Recently put on the market for $4.9 million, Ryan Getzlaf's home "...has quartz and wooden floors, a wine cellar and theater...Walker Zanger granite counter tops and dark cherry wood custom cabinets." So what number are we starting the Kickstarter campaign at? Stretch goals include terrible Ducks puns and Corey Perry. (Orange County Register)

Glendale's City Council unanimously approved an amended deal with the Arizona Coyotes, but of course this new pact only extends to June 2017. Aspiring writers, you now have at least a year to prepare your Coyotes-to-Seattle articles. (AZCentral)

Our fiery friends look for silver linings in the Lance Bouma contract, which should be easy considering how he is worth not one but two Alexander Semins. (Matchsticks and Gasoline)

While there's been some grumbling about the Oilers' planned ticket price increases, what are you going to do Edmonton, not go watch Connor McDavid? (Edmonton Journal)

Jeff Carter, Alec Martinez and Tyler Toffoli gave Special Olympians from Barbados and Macedonia the guided tour of their practice facilities. It sounds like it was a swell time for everyone involved, except for when Tyler Toffoli embarrassingly admitted that Jeff Carter is his favourite hockey player. (NHL)

I personally think that Martin Jones is going to be fabulous for San Jose, but there's no denying he's a significant roll of the dice by Doug "Tomorrow Team, ft. Joel Ward" Wilson. (NHL)

Even sans Kevin Bieksa, the Vancouver Canucks are slated to enter 2015-16 with an unexpectedly high number of warm bodies on the blueline. Since they're missing the playoffs, one hopes that the kids will get some playing time. (The Hockey Writers)

And That Other Conference

With Tomas Jurco re-signed, that would seem to be all of Detroit's internal offseason business taken care of. Now if only they could finally find a taker for Jakub Kindl, all would be relatively well in Wingslandia. As is, let the Datsyuk/Franzen LTIR watch begin. (Kukla's Korner)

Our friends at Eyes on the Prize had a quick look at the Alex Semin signing, and came to the correct conclusion that it's a worthwhile venture. My favourite quote: "If a team built on character can't handle a player like Semin in the locker room, what's the point of focusing on that characteristic?" (EOTP)

Pat Hickey says that this move is "an absolute steal if Semin can regain his form as an elite goal-scorer". At $1.1 million and a single year, I'd argue it's an absolute steal if he bounces back to tune of 20+ goals and 40+ points.  (Montreal Gazette)

Islanders goalie prospect Eamon McAdam is just kind of trotting along and honing his craft. It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. (PennLive)

An interesting development out of Pittsburgh, as Assistant General Manager Tom Fitzgerald has left the Penguins to keep the same title with New Jersey. That would seem to leave Billy Guerin and Jason Botterill as the heir apparents to Jim Rutherford; let them fight. (ProHockeyTalk)

Speaking of Jim Rutherford, the Pittsburgh GM believes that already having a personal connection with President Brendan Shanahan will make the transition for Lou an easier process. Leafs fans are simply hoping that Shanny doesn't allow Lou to become too comfortable now. (The Globe and Mail)

Braden Holtby's five year, $30.5 million contract represents a pretty fair compromise by both sides. Nothing to see here folks, aside from a solid contract. (Bleacher Report)

And finally, in an article which makes me seem succinct, Frank Seravalli poses ten questions worth pondering in the aftermath of Lou Lamoriello's phoenix rising. (TSN)

Thanks for reading! Be sure to say in the Comments below whether or not Justin Schultz is a sandwich.