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Hockey Wives Episode 4: Cara does not understand fancy weddings and Ryan Getzlaf hates shirts

This got weird.

Jake Roth-USA TODAY Sports

Paige Getzlaf: We get to see Paige and the gang in Regina hanging out with Ryan's family. It's mentioned a few times that Ryan comes from a sports oriented family. His brother plays for the Saskatchewan Roughriders in the CFL and everyone's wearing Rider green jerseys. Except then Ryan takes his off and we are treated to the weirdest nipnops I have ever seen ever. I spent the next few minutes looking for bleach whilst trying to refrain from scooping my eyes out with a melon baller. Then Paige tells us that with Ryan it's "the less clothes the better" and I dry heave just a little bit.

Terrifying.

Anyway, later they go to a Roughriders game and there's more talk about sports and playing sports and bleh. We're stuck at this game with the Getzlafs for far too long and I don't even care anymore.

Maripier Morin: I'm rather pleased that MP is smiling and joking this episode. We get to see her in the kitchen with Brandon baking cupcakes for Brandon's sister's baby shower (or something, I don't know, I lost attention for that moment in time). Brandon and MP together are actually vaguely hilarious and their banter is kind of funny. Brandon's a bit of a turd, but it was nice to see MP giving it back to him. The cupcakes turned out to look like "boobies" per Maripier. Everything I get to recap this episode so far involves breast related things. Please send help.

Anyway, the cupcakes turn out well and they're adorable. MP makes a comment about having children and Brandon offers to get started trying right away. Maripier talks about how being in a long distance relationship while also being a pregnant and she looks like this is the literal worst thing ever. Which it probably would be. Ask Noureen. She whined about it enough last season.

The next episode is guaranteed to piss me off because the clip I just saw of Brandon talking to MP about visiting him in Vancouver makes me want to stab him in the face.

Noureen DeWulf: Nope.

Tiffany Parros: Sad nope. And next episode I believe she gets unnecessarily catty with poor Taylor Winnik. I'll reserve my thoughts for when I see the full segment though.

Ashley Booth: Even sadder nope.

Eastern Conference Wives

Only thing I remember from this episode is the fact that the Winnicks' got married and my god can weddings ever be extravagant. My extremely small wedding planning experience (hello, sister) weddings can be simple, but I guess that is against the rules if you are a wealthy. Anyways, the wedding seemed fantastically fancy and how can you be so fancy and party? How can you dance the night away in a wedding dress with a long train? Why do bridesmaids have to wear matching robes? Why would you want to wear such a big ring all the time? Can someone answer these questions for me because I don't got no one who can answer these questions and by gosh darned it, I know a lot of married people, most of them family or like family. Other then all those questions, the wedding looked lovely, I just have no freaking clue why it was like so fancy.