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FlightZone: Teemu Selanne's Horrifying Wax Figure

Still less terrifying than Ovechkin's disembodied head in that CCM ad.

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Pictured: a living, breathing Teemu.
Pictured: a living, breathing Teemu.
Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

I'll admit to knowing nothing about Gary Simmons before reading the link embedded below. But I'm glad I did, and if you're interested in snapshots of hockey history it's well worth a minute of your time.

And now, a lazy Sunday edition of the news. Look below for the Teemu Selanne wax figure!

Central Division

Bryan Bickell feels like he's staying in Chicago. No word yet on if he also believes unicorns are real and that Elvis Presley was abducted by aliens. (Yahoo! Sports)

Someone accidentally included the Colorado Avalanche on this list of non-playoff teams who might make it in 2015-16. Please don't tell the good folks at Mile High Hockey I said that. (Sportsnet)

After all their offseason moves, the Stars are going to be very stiff competition in the Central. I even want to call them a playoff team, especially since at least one of Lehtonen or Niemi will probably give them the goaltending they need. But this begs the age-old question: if Dallas is in, who's out? (Inside Edge)

Speaking of the Stars, our Lone Star friends try to sort through options on their newly tweaked defence. Though it won't be long before our focus shifts to 2016, with Alex Goligoski, Jason Demers and Jordie Benn all heading towards unrestricted free agency. Julius Honka can only fill one of those spots. (Defending Big D)

The Minnesota Wild haven't thrown in the towel on Darcy Kuemper just yet. And things would be fine, if not for the roster-related headache known as Niklas Bäckström. (StarTribune)

And that's Calle Järnkrok re-signed for one year and $735,000. Hey, remember that time Detroit traded Järnkrok, Patrick Eaves and a conditional 2014 3rd round pick in exchange for 26 games of David Legwand? #NeverForget. (The Tennessean)

A look at how to adjust point total expectations to the modern NHL, featuring Vladimir Tarasenko. Hint: he's really good. (The Hockey News)

Saying Michael Hutchinson "has already proven that he can be a number one" sounds like jumping the gun to me. Otherwise, this is a pretty fair list of Jets' prospects who might be ready for the NHL, even if only for a cup of coffee. (The Hockey Writers)

And All The Rest

Be thankful that FlightZone is posted in the mornings, otherwise this here might have given folks nightmares:

Given his mask art, it's easy to imagine what Frederik Andersen's ringtone must be. (The Hockey News)

It's been four days too long since our last Ryan Lambert link, and you knew he was going to tackle the Ryan Kesler contract. Shockingly enough he's not a fan, though he's fairer than most to both Kesler and Anaheim's general situation. (Yahoo! Sports)

With David Wolf heading overseas, the NHL has lost one of its better last names. (ProHockeyTalk)

Under their new General Manager, the New Jersey Devils are entering the world of 21st century social media. It's good to read how Ray Shero understands the importance of fan access on multiple fronts. (Fire and Ice)

It might take a few seasons, but look for the Devils' forward corps to transition from retirement home to land of youthful opportunity. Until then, at least the defence is interesting and the goaltending solid. (NHL)

All quiet on the Vincent Lecavalier front. On a related note, Ron Hextall has "...likely accomplished all he can this summer in retooling his roster". Does anybody else miss wild man Paul Holmgren? (CSN Philly)

Hamilton Bulldogs president Steve Staios looks like he had fun at Zac Rinaldo's Fight For A Cause charity event yesterday:

With every subsequent athlete he trains, I become increasingly convinced that we need a Gary Roberts High Performance reality show. Also, if Derrick Pouliot has a successful season, how often will the Toronto media write about it? (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

A great look at the top NHL stories of 2014-15. (Sports Illustrated)

Here's an ambitious post: Lyle Richardson speculates on who will be the top rookie for each NHL team. I may have to unabashedly steal this idea in the future. (Bleacher Report)

Linden Vey's 2014-15 season was more than a little underwhelming, but he's looking to bounce back after "the biggest summer of my life". It might also help if Derek Dorsett wasn't his most common linemate at 5v5. (TSN)

And finally, I have no idea how I missed this but OMG THERE'S A NEW EASTSIDE HOCKEY MANAGER AND IT'S BEEN OUT ON STEAM EARLY ACCESS FOR THE PAST FOUR MONTHS??! Now that I know, I'll have to set up an account and take the plunge; the only way we'll get this franchise back and with NHL licenses is if we support it. EA's Be a GM mode just isn't the same. (Steam)

<br>Thanks for reading! Be sure to tell me in the Comments section if you also invested far too many hours in one of the Eastside Hockey Manager games.