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Tower, this is Nicolas Cage requesting a flyby.

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No rambling preface today I'm afraid, but never fear! Look for a stand-alone article of incoherence in the next day or two.

And now, the news.

Central Division

Even in an Avalanche 2015-16 Best-Case Scenario article, I find it hard to read the word "playoffs" and not giggle. Watch them win the division now, just to spite me. (Mile High Sticking)

Hey, remember that time Chicago had to include a perfectly good defensive prospect in order to dump Patrick Sharp for a mediocre return? Our Texan friends seem pleased with the addition, and rightly so. (Defending Big D)

Speaking of Trevor Daley, Ryan Lambert has an in-depth crack at him. I may have to print this out and pin it on my wall. (Yahoo! Sports)

If Mike Reilly is going to menace the Winnipeg Jets for years, we might as well get to know him first. (Hockey Wilderness)

The Matt Cullen Final Tour is almost certainly a go, though it won't be with Nashville. At the right price and a single season, he's a solid veteran option. (The Tennessean)

Entering the final year of his ELC, JC Lipon is excited about the AHL's return to Winnipeg. (Leader-Post)

And All The Rest

This reaction to John Oliver's Last Week Tonight segment was largely the same as my own. (Fox Sports Arizona)

Speaking of arenas, there is an eerie quiet surrounding the Calgary Flames' plans for a new barn. At least until they disclose their arena plans, in which case the silence will have been completely appropriate. (Calgary Herald)

In far more exciting news coming out of Cowtown, look for Hayley Wickenheiser to join the CWHL's Calgary Inferno. As an aside, the CWHL/NWHL rivalry will be one to watch over the upcoming season. (Yahoo! Sports)

A pretty well spot-on assessment of the Boston Bruins offseason, aside from giving Beleskey an A grade and the lack of Matt Irwin. (HockeyBuzz)

Our FanSided frenemies lament how nothing can ever simply go without a hitch in Buffalo. (Tip of the Tower)

The Carolina Hurricanes could use a right-shooting forward or three. I hear Alex Semin is available. Also, this article is immediately elevated by its citing of an AIH article from 2011. (Bleacher Report)

Our march across the 2015 NHL Draft review articles continues, this time featuring the Detroit Red Wings. I'm really looking forward to seeing what Vili Saarijarvi can do in the OHL. (Hockey's Future)

A grounded, sensible look at Nail Yakupov? The times they are a-changin'. Then again, it is Jonathan Willis doing the writing. (Edmonton Journal)

The solution to Florida's attendance woes? Renaming them the Fort Lauderdale Panthers. (New Times Broward-Palm Beach)

It shouldn't come as a surprise that expansion fees probably won't be uniform across the board. (The Hockey News)

Welcome to North America, Vojtech Mozik. I imagine his bag full of hockey equipment has made its way to Barbados by now. (Sportsnet)

The New York Islanders may have done well to jump up in 2014 and draft Joshua Ho-Sang. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the kid's got moxie. (The Hockey Writers)

The good vibrations continue under Rangers GM Jeff Gorton, as Emerson Etem has accepted his qualifying offer. But the matter of real importance is, how long until I misspell his last name as Gordon? (Blueshirt Banter)

One can see that Mike Hoffman's been a scorer since junior, but there just isn't the sample size where I feel comfortable saying he'll be one at the NHL level. Add in Hoffman's age and closeness to unrestricted free agency, and it's a tricky spot Ottawa find themselves in. (TSN)

Speaking of Ottawa, Senators' prospect Tobias Lindberg tore it up in his first North American season. Let's see if he can bring that momentum with him to the AHL. (NHL)

We won't know the answer until the games are played and/or the Penguins are injured, but it's been fun speculating whether Kessel is a better fit with Crosby or Malkin. (ProHockeyTalk)

It should be a fierce fight down in Syracuse for the starter's position, with Adam Wilcox and folk hero Kristers Gudlevskis pitted against one another. (NHL)

Toronto Maple Leafs' prospect Frederik Gauthier does seem an anomaly when set against the organization's other top prospects. But when Assistant GM Kyle Dubas praises his "shot attempts and possession", it gives me hope. (Toronto Star)

Yesterday, all we had was a course description. Now we get a little more information on Professor Mike Gillis. (Sportsnet)

I normally don't advocate for dedicating much in the way of cap hit and/or term to goalies, but Braden Holtby is probably an exception. That playoff beard is worth $1 million alone. (Yahoo! Sports)


Thanks for reading! Be sure to yell at me in the Comments section below about how I should always have a rambling preface and this is a betrayal of the readers.