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How Ridiculous is the NHL All-Star Game?

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I'm not going to lie: I didn't watch the All-Star Game.  It's just not that exciting to watch something that doesn't resemble NHL hockey.  This table compares NHL events since the lockout, both overall and at even-strength, to the All-Star Game:

 

Per Game Season EV All-Star % Change
Goals 5.67 4.72 18.50 243
Shooting % 9.56 8.53 22.09 142
Shot Dist 34.27 34.52 23.95 -31
Saves 53.61 50.61 65.25 27
Misses 23.01 21.58 25.00 15
Blocks 25.96 24.49 14.00 -40
Fenwick 82.29 76.90 108.75 39
Corsi 108.25 101.39 122.75 20
Penalties 11.48 10.03 0.50 -83
Turnovers 31.73 30.90 55.25 77
Hits 24.04 26.83 0.75 -108
Giveaways 13.94 13.70 34.00 146
Takeaways 17.79 17.20 21.25 23
Faceoffs 57.41 51.13 51.25 0
Non-Goal 51.75 46.41 32.75 -26

 

Not that you didn't know this, but everybody completely stops playing defense in the All-Star game.  There have been two penalties and three recorded hits over the last four games, and the average shot on goal is 10 feet closer to the net.  That gives us goal-per-game rates that are more than double what they were at the NHL's peak in 1985.  Even though players don't play physically, they have a lot of trouble hanging on to the puck - giveaways skyrocket, and takeaways increase too. 

Maybe we need new rules?  A goal doesn't count unless a team connects 15 consecutive passes before they shoot?