Fifteen years removed from mainstream media, I still have my sources.
I can't say they're reliable sources (oh, what the hey, I might as well admit that they're really lousy sources), but a source is a source is a source. And, with all hell about to break loose on the National Hockey League trade front and it being so difficult to separate fact from wild and crazy rumour, I went to my sources for the straight goods on certain members of the Winnipeg Jets. And my sources tell me...
(Source: The great grandson of the janitor at a New York City deli where Frank Sinatra used to buy his corned beef sandwiches whenever he and Tony Bennett did a gig in Gotham. The great grandson of the janitor knows the great grandson of the guy who used to shine Sinatra's shoes while he ate his corned beef sandwiches.)
"I don't want to start any rumours, but I saw Kevin Cheveldayoff, Dale Tallon and Craig McTavish in that very same deli my great granddaddy used to work at, if you can imagine that," he told me. "It was during the general managers meetings a couple weeks ago. Chevy ordered pastrami on rye with hot mustard. Tallon went for the Montreal smoked meat with a pickle on the side. So did Craig McT. They sit down at this corner table underneath a couple of old, black-and-white photos of Sinatra, Bennett and Ella Fitzgerald. I think Cab Calloway was in one of the pictures, too. Anyway, Tallon says, 'I'm gonna have a beer. You boys want one? I've got the first round.' McTavish says, 'No, I get the first round.' Tallon says, 'Nothing doing. Chevy gets the first round.' I swear, that's what I heard Tallon say—Chevy gets the first round. Funny how those guys make these deals, ain't it?"
(Source: Some guy who was on the same lake fishing with another guy who was on the same lake who is married to another guy who was on the same lake as Big Buff when his fishing boat was boarded by fish and game authorities two summers ago.)
"I don't want to start any rumours, but we saw the whole thing go down," one of the fishing guys told me. "How lucky is that? I mean, there are 10,000 lakes in Minnesota and we happen to be on the same lake as Big Buff. Anyways, the authorities boarded Buff's boat and immediately frisked him. It took two of them to do it, he was so big. One frisked the front, the other frisked the back side. Took them about half an hour. Anyway, at one point Buff says, 'You wouldn't be doing this to me if I played for the Wild.' And one of the smart-ass officials says, 'Well, Moby Buff, you don't play for the Wild, do you?' Buff fires back, saying, "Maybe one day I will play for the Wild. I'm from Minnesota, you know. Now if you guys are finished feeling me up, I just wanna go home.' Ain't it obvious Buff is coming to Minny."
(Source: Some guy who works in an office who works with a guy in an office who's the brother of a guy whose second cousin works in U.S. Customs.)
"I don't want to start any rumours, but I know he's going to Montreal for sure," the office guy told me. "I happened to be in Las Vegas the same weekend Kaner was there. You know, when he did that money phone thing that pissed off everyone in Winnipeg. Anyways, I'm at the airport in the same lineup as Kaner as we're going through customs. He's at the counter and some customs chick asks him, 'Where are you from, sir?' Kaner says, 'I'm a Canuck.' So I'm thinking, 'Aha. Kaner's going to be traded to his hometown Vancouver Canucks. Done deal.' But then I follow him to a lunch counter and guess what he orders—French toast and a bowl of French onion soup, that's what. If that wasn't enough to convince me he's going to Montreal, the kid takes off his hat and what does he have carved into his hair? The letter C with an H in the middle—C-H, as in Canadien Habitant, get it? Say au revoir to monsieur Kane, Winnipeg."
(Source: Three guys sitting in a bar owned by a guy who once dated a girl from British Columbia who used to babysit for Ladd's Aunty Mame, who once slept with a minor league hockey player.)
"So the boys and I are sitting in this bar, see," one of the guys sitting in a bar told me. "Who walks in? Five of the Jets. Large as life, they were. Especially Big Buff. So they sit down and they all order a brewsky. They were kinda quiet, just talking about hockey and broads. I think that's all hockey players ever talk about, hockey and broads. Anyway, now they're deciding where to go next. Four of 'em say they want to go to a jazz joint. Not Andrew Ladd, though. Not the captain. He tells 'em, 'That's not how I roll.' One of the other players—I think it was Toby Enstrom, but I can't say for sure because he was standing behind Big Buff so I couldn't see him—says to Ladd, 'Where are you going to go, Laddy?' Ladd tells him, 'I'm all about the blues, Tobias. I'm a blues man, man. Love the blues.' So, you see, Ladd said it himself—he's going to the Blues. I don't know where all those other crazy rumours came from, but you can take this one to the bank. Andrew Ladd went to the Blues."
If this FanPost is written by someone other than one of the blog's editors, the opinions expressed in it do not necessarily reflect those of this blog or SB Nation.