P.S. The charts will look better if you enter the story on a new page.
A couple of months ago, our League of Extraordinary Statisticians discussed what stat they consult when thinking about a player's value. The general consensus was that there isn't a singular stat that captures everything; as usual, they were wrong. While they agonized over the Corsis and the Fenwicks and all those other things they dream up in their basement, they totally missed the mark. Let's just make this easy for you guys: this year's worst and best players (minimum 30 games played, though I should make it 82 you pansies)…
| Rank | Player | Team | Pos | GP | PIM | Minor Pen | Major Pen | PIM/G | Maj/G |
| 605th | Loui Eriksson | DAL | L | 79 | 8 | 4 | 0 | 0.101 | 0.000 |
| 606th | Mats Zuccarello | NYR | L | 42 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0.095 | 0.000 |
| 607th | Brian Campbell | CHI | D | 65 | 6 | 3 | 0 | 0.092 | 0.000 |
| 608th | Nick Leddy | CHI | D | 46 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0.087 | 0.000 |
| 609th | Dan Sexton | ANA | R | 47 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0.085 | 0.000 |
| 610th | Trevor Lewis | LAK | C | 72 | 6 | 3 | 0 | 0.083 | 0.000 |
| 611th-T | Cal O’Reilly | NSH | C | 38 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0.053 | 0.000 |
| 611th-T | Vladimir Zharkov | NJD | R | 38 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0.053 | 0.000 |
| 613th | Jared Spurgeon | MIN | D | 53 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0.038 | 0.000 |
Seriously, hit something. I guess it could be worse…
| Rank | Player | Tm | Pos | GP | PIM | Minor Pen | Major Pen | PIM/G | Maj/G |
| Dead Last | Kyle Wellwood | SJS | C | 35 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.000 | 0.000 |
Even the octopus got a penalty this year.
Now, for the winner of the, you guessed it, Heart Trophy…
| Rank | Player | Tm | Pos | GP | PIM | Minor Pen | Major Pen | PIM/G | Maj/G |
| 1st | George Parros | ANA | R | 78 | 171 | 8 | 27 | 2.192 | 0.346 |
| 2nd | Jared Boll | CBJ | R | 73 | 182 | 15 | 24 | 2.493 | 0.329 |
| 3rd | Cam Janssen | STL | R | 54 | 131 | 13 | 17 | 2.426 | 0.315 |
| 4th | Zenon Konopka | NYI | C | 82 | 307 | 31 | 25 | 3.744 | 0.305 |
| 5th | Colton Orr | TOR | R | 46 | 128 | 14 | 14 | 2.783 | 0.304 |
| 6th | Trevor Gillies | NYI | L | 39 | 165 | 15 | 11 | 4.231 | 0.282 |
| 7th | Krys Barch | DAL | R | 44 | 80 | 5 | 12 | 1.818 | 0.273 |
| 8th | Paul Bissonnette | PHX | L | 48 | 71 | 3 | 13 | 1.479 | 0.271 |
| 9th | Kevin Westgarth | LAK | C | 56 | 105 | 10 | 15 | 1.875 | 0.268 |
| 10th-T | Zack Stortini | EDM | R | 32 | 76 | 8 | 8 | 2.375 | 0.250 |
| 10th-T | Kyle Clifford | LAK | L | 76 | 141 | 13 | 19 | 1.855 | 0.250 |
Congrats to George Parros and everyone else on this list. Your teams would've won been lost without you.
This week's articles:
Tuesday: The Hottest Ticket in Winnipeg
Grandpa’s Analysis: So young, so full of life…it’s like the Jets were never ruthlessly plucked away by the sweaty fingers of a warm-weather franchise and its snide little muse.
Wednesday: Statistical OOPS
GA: You didn’t resolve the larger problem: counting these things in the first place.
Thursday: BZS 2.0: Ironing Things Out a Bit
GA: Yeah, that totally cleared things up for me. I was so worried.
Thursday: Kevin Cheveldayoff is not Tim Cheveldae
GA: You mean Tim Cheveldae the firefighter?
Friday: Who We Be, Winnipeg HC? — Centres
GA: Too long, didn’t read. Man, those jerseys were ugly.
The sad part is that Parros won't get the recognition he deserves. Unless I save hockey.
