How to Approach a Hockey Statistician

I have a bit of experience in this capacity, so I think it's important to establish a process for others so that they can accomplish their goals with most of their organs intact.

Step #1: Choose a place where there's a lot of people...

Step #2: Wear long sleeves to hide your Avalanche tattoos.  It makes them aggressive.  Last year, a prospective enquirer smartly did this, only for to realize that he had put on an Avalanche sweatshirt.  He was lucky to leave just feeling mildly stupid.

Step #3: As you enter the room, take note of obstacles and exits.  If the room happens to be in an establishment that sells or uses oil, marbles, or bananas, it might be wise to postpone the engagement.

Step #4: Compose your initial posture thusly:

Posture_for_approaching_hockey_statisticians_medium

Step #5: Always have a ready excuse to leave.  Good example: "Boy, would you look at the time...just flies by...if I don't leave now, my wife will regress to the meanie." (They really like corny, stats-related jokes; it's their life blood).  Bad example: "Shoot, gotta go.  Milbury's on and he's letting people call-in their most underrated goalies; having an 'Osgood' feeling about this one..."

Step #6: Let them calculate the tip.  Seriously dude, it won't do anything for you at this point.

Step #7: The minute you hit fresh air, run.  You've been incorrect enough for one day, and there's no way they're going to catch you.

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